Having not been here for so long, many things have happened.
The only reason why I would be here writing is probably because he is asleep at 1130pm.
I don't really understand why he would be in such a need to wake me up constantly should he not even have the energy to talk to me for more than an hour.
Sounds contradictory isn't it?
Sometimes I feel that I'm going out with a drug addict or going on a roller coaster ride when I'm with him. His moods are either affected by coffee or basic laziness.
I really wonder if I can count on him in future.
Or am I displaying the same characteristics as him but he is just more tolerant.
Nevertheless, maybe this signifies the start of something new..

i wished i didn't have to care
that way i wouldn't have to pretend i don't care
why does it seem so easy for others to not care
maybe it's because they really don't care
then maybe i shall not care
that way, can i take it all back so that i wouldn't have to care.

he changed my mousetrap!
sheesh. now it looks hideous.
it's like some black hole which sucks all the mice away.
my nose is drooling after 3 sneezes.
why like that lah.

At the rate that we're going..
Maybe we would really just drift apart..

happy 1st year anniversary!
smelling the roses in my room just makes me miss you even more.
by far, i must admit that this is the 2nd sweetest surprise you've ever given me.
the first was my birthday.
this is second in line.
the first card you've ever given me.
i'll definitely cherish it always.
reading it reassures me that what we had over the past 1 year wasn't just a dream
but it was true and real
and something that both you and i cherish
i wished i could relive those moments with you once more
but not to worry, i do believe we'll have many more new memories to create
and many more 12 months to go
i heart you.

oh my god. i've received a package from him.
and i've refrained myself from opening it for hours!
i really want to open it.
but i'm afraid of spoiling his surprise for me
BUT I REALLY WANT TO OPEN IT
argh. the suspense is driving me nuts!

a suddenly longing for him just popped into my mind
i miss the times when i had somewhere to go to,
something to look forward to
his place.
it was just so cozy, snuggling up in his bed.
and taking up the entire bed to myself.
i've always wondered why his bed was warmer.
i guess it was because of his duvet. the one that has been given to me =)
but without him to share the duvet with, it seems so empty right now.
sigh, when can i see you again?

Before I got down to work,
Had the urge to express my feelings.
Didn't really understand if he really missed me,
or he just missed someone to be there.
I know he has done much to help me with work,
but is that what I really want/need?
Not really.
Maybe he doesn't really understand that..
What I want is not someone that just leaves me at the screen...
And assuming that as long as he's at the screen..
I'll feel all better...
Maybe for him it works..
But I know it doesn't for me.
What's the point if we're just at each other's screen,
but neither of us really speaks/talks.
Or I have to make it explicit that it's the time of the month
and i just wanted a little more care and concern...
Maybe...it's just not him...
Or maybe...
I've lost him..

my brain feels very tired
technically, we humans only use 3-5% of our brain.
however, tonight, i felt like i've used up 98% of it.
the 2% was to account for my cafeworld distractions.
and the irony of it all, i haven't even finished my literature review.
after doing a word count on what i've done so far.
i realised the maximum i've hit was only 1500 words.
GAWD. save me.
how can ANYTHING be that DIFFICULT
sigh.
i miss the times when you'll still be awake with me.
working hard alongside with me.
i think i'm just tired.

Though I've only been here for 3 weeks, it already feels like months.
Things have been so jammed pack that I can barely breathe.
But no matter what, he is still there for me.
Though there may be times when fatigue takes precedence over me.
But I know he still has me in his heart.
However, the bolster still wins me hands and legs down. (even though it doesn't have any)
Sigh.
When can I see you again?　

got into an argument with him today
really disliked it
i know he has been doing a lot for me
and i am really grateful for everything he's done
wished i could repay him somehow
but i don't think a thank you is enough
would a i love you be?

Back from a game of netball.
Wasn't really up for it.
Feeling really sick and not having a voice.
I should really be resting at home.
People keep talking about him.
Which makes me miss him more.
We used to live apart.
Now that I'm living on the same street, he's so far away.
Why do I miss him so much.

i'm sloshed. and tired.
my stomach feels funny.
i think it's hungry. but i believe i should not consume anything at this moment and instead go to bed.
my voice has gone hoarse.
i believe it should be the alcohol.
or maybe it was the shouting in the club.
either way, i still wished he was here tonight.
to experience everything with me
and to hug me tight to bed.

I'm completely smashed.
But still missing him madly.
I just want to lay down on my bed and let the brain rest.
I've done so much today that I feel that I have reached my limits.
Bought so much stuff, damaged my pockets deep.
Presents, parties, household. Everything costs money.
BUT, I haven't got a vase. Shiats.
Would you give me a massage please?

Haven't had the time to update at all.
Been really busy and overloaded with readings, dissertation and assignments.
Really miss the times we worked hard together.
Don't think we'll ever be able to bring those times back.
Sigh.

I've finally changed the bottle of Shokubutsu away.
Next step is to get rid of it. =(
I miss him.
Wonder if you are missing me too.
I wished there would be cheap tickets for you to come see me =)
Hugs.

the sun is shining in today.
reminds me of the times i woke up in his room, on his bed.
the scene just seems so familiar.
so cozy and nice.
the only difference is he isn't here now.
but on the computer, in a small tiny screen, thousands of miles away.
had the sudden urge to bring that thousand of miles closer to just a few metres, but the reality of it all just makes it impossible.
i have to throw away his bottle of finished soap though.
and that reduces one more memory of him here with me. =(

Looking at my feet which are still red and having blisters at the heels, I can't help but think of him.
It's so weird how I usually wouldn't give a hoot about my feet in the past, and now I'm the complete opposite.
I freak out at ingrown toenails, blisters that won't heal and lousy footwear.
I'm believe I've been converted.
My room smells of laundry plus the aloe fresh vaseline which I've just put on just a while ago.
Makes the room smells more of ME now. Which is what I've been trying to achieve since I've shifted in.
It makes the place more live-able.
Looking at the newly acquired Bournemouth photos only reminds me more of the times we had together.
The ice creams we had on the beach, the walks we had, and the fun everyone had together.
Those are the memories which I believe all of us will not forget.
Just like the countless memories I have of him.
A simple memory of us enjoying each other's company at night watching ridiculous videos on the computer is enough to make me tear all over again like a baby.

Looking at the ring on the finger, I realised how much we've been through together.
Though the time spent together seem to be really short, it has already been a year.
Memories of him always fill my mind at every corner of this room, this place.
I hope we can create more memories like this, etched forever in my heart.

HE is sleeping soundly now.
Believe the time difference is indeed taking a toll on him.
Tried to nap just a while ago too, but to no success.
Spoke to heckle today on Skype. It felt good. =)
Hence she came up with her quote of the day "we all need a sane fren"
Pardon her spelling, for she is at down under..*sniggers*
Before you jump to conclusions, no, I do not have anything against them.
I just like making fun of her. Period.
Spoke to mummy too. Thinks she's really happy that I get to talk to her everyday now.
Compared to the occasional MSN chats with her last year.
Guess she finally found back the daughter who is willing and is there to hear her rants. =)
I miss him. Really do.